Moss Trousers – Japan 

Moss was one of the earliest dry-land pioneers on this planet. Respect! In fact, the earliest moss fossils, or ‘mossils’, date back to the early Carboniferous period around 320 million years ago. And now, finally, moss is back in fashion.

If it had sentience, it would doubtless be giving a hearty laugh at the notion that it’s now adorning the legs of Japanese women as the latest in ‘enviro-clothing’.

Hitting the streets of Tokyo in 2016, the trousers are made from a particularly hardy species of living moss, which is grown by moss farmers on a specially engineered mesh. The moss-fabric is then fashioned into a variety of garments and worn to provide an (albeit imagined) envelope of clean, oxygen-rich atmosphere, as the wearer goes about daily business in one of the world’s most polluted cities.

You exhale carbon dioxide; the moss sucks it up and gives you oxygen in return. It’s an age-old partnership. And as an added bonus, this particular moss considers airborne polluting particles a rare delicacy, assimilating them, allowing your lungs precious extra moments before they completely clog up with diesel soot.

What’s more, since they are alive, these leafy slacks are completely self-repairing. These trousers really do grow on you!

The only drawback: an omnipresent damp feeling around one’s legs and nether regions. But to combat this, wearers employ lots and lots of talcum powder, at regular intervals.

And since moss can absorb up to 20 times its own weight in liquid, you could quite happily piss yourself on the subway home and nobody would be any the wiser.

What’s not to lichen?